Christian couples who are seeking free Christian counseling advice may find this biblical principle helpful. The principle comes from Ephesians 4 verse 25. “Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Speaking truthfully to each other. Here’s the application to marriage. If something is bothering you in your marriage, you need to say something about it to your mate. John Gottman, a leading marriage expert, uses the word “complain.” Go ahead and complain. When you do, you’re being honest with your mate.
Now, let say you don’t complain. What happens? Does what’s bothering you just go away? Usually not. Were not talking about minor things here. If something is really bothering you, it’s not going away. It festers. It grows. It gnaws at you. And then someday when you’re really tired and fed up with everybody, you let your mate have it. You finally tell them what’s been bothering you. But it comes out in a way that damages the marriage relationship.
The principle here is to practice honesty with respect. Again, the passage says speaking truthfully to each other, for we are members of one body.” There is no greater oneness than that of the marriage relationship. Christian husbands and wives are specifically told to respect each other. If you want take a look that’s at Ephesians 5:33 and I Peter 3:7.
But here’s how you can be honest with your mate and complain, and still be respectful at the same time. Let’s say a wife is neglected by her husband. For whatever reasons, he’s not as attentive to her as he used to be. She’s hurt, and rightly so. What should she do?
If she just holds it in and never says anything, over a period time it can lead to resentment and bitterness. What she needs to do is to complain. But how she does it is very important. This is what she could say to her husband: “When you don’t take me anywhere, I feel like you take me for granted and that hurts me.” In saying it in that way, she’s very honest, while at the same time respectful. She isn’t judging or attacking, she’s honestly reporting how she’s feeling.
Often Christian couples do let thinks build and become a major problem rather than heading off major marriage issues by using good relationship skills. In that case, seeking a good Christian counseling service is advisable.